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August

Subject: Football FINALLY makes sense..........

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their
team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were
killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!        (Thanks to Gary Graham)

Subject: Insulting

A guy in a bar stood up and shouted, "Lawyers  are assholes!"

A guy at the other end of the bar shouted back  "I resent that!"

The first guy asked, "Are you a lawyer?"

The second guy responded, "No, I'm an  asshole."

Subject:  Recent Medical Study

A study conducted by UCLA's department of Psychiatry has revealed that
the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on
where she is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating she
is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she is more prone to be
attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up
his ass while he's on fire. No further studies are expected.

Subject:  Unclear Advise

Sven and ole go the beach.  After a couple of hours, Sven says, 'This ain't no fun.  How come the girls ain't friendly to me?"

Ole says, " Well, I tell you, Sven, maybe if you put a potato in your swim trunks that would help."

So Sven does, but he comes back to Ole later, and he says, " I tried what you told me with da potato, but it didn't help."

Ole says, "No, Sven--you're supposed to put da potato in da front.

Subject:   Need of Directions

An old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, and a young man walks by and asks what's wrong. 

The old man says, "I'm married to a beautiful twenty-two-year-old woman."

The young man says, "What's wrong with that?"

And the old man says, "I forgot where I live!"
 

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