there's always time for a little humor. . . !

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Subject:  Less We Forget

An elderly husband and wife were having difficulty remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor for help. They explained the difficulty to the doctor, and after a complete examination, the doctor reported that they were physically fine. The doctor suggested that they start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?"

He replied, "To the kitchen. Would you like something?"

"Yes," She responded, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure." he said.

She then asked, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

He replied, "No, I can remember that."

She then said, "Well I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that."

He retorted, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replied, "Well I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down I can remember that." He then stomped moodily off to the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and gave her a plate of bacon & eggs.

Subject:  An Embarrassing Incident in a Men's Room

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:

"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the rest room; but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed:

"Just fine!"

And the other person says:

"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:

"I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.

"Can I come over?"

O.K., this question is just too weird for me; but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him:

"No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the person say nervously:

"Listen, I'll have to call you back.
There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions."


Subject:  Baseball in the Afterlife

After sharing 50 years of friendship and a love of baseball with him, George was crushed to learn that his friend Harry was terminally ill.
"Harry, buddy, I'm going to miss you," George wept. Then, brightening, he added, "But I've got to know if there's baseball in the afterlife.
Promise you'll come back and tell me."
"I promise," Harry croaked.
Two weeks after Harry's death, George was awakened by a brilliant white light.
"Harry? Is that you?"
"It's me," Harry said.
"Tell me. I have to know," George pleaded.
"Is there baseball in the afterlife?
"Well, I have some good news and some bad news.
"What's the good news?"
"There is baseball in the afterlife."
"So what could be bad?"
"George, you're pitching Saturday."

Subject:  The Chauffeur

Shortly after returning to Moscow from his summit meeting with President Reagan, Mikhail Gorbachev was late for an important Central Committee meeting and asked his driver to speed up. The driver refused, explaining that he didn't want to exceed the speed limit.

Furious, Gorbachev threw him into the back seat and got behind the wheel himself. Several kilometers later, a police car spotted the speeding limo and pulled it over. "Go see which of our beloved bureaucrats has broken the law," one officer said to the other, "and give him a ticket."

Within seconds, the policeman returned to the squad car. "I can't ticket him; he's too important."
"Who is he?" his partner asked.

"I don't know, comrade," the policeman replied, his eyes widening, "but Gorbachev is his chauffeur!"

February Humor


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